| April 17, 2023 | ||||
PowerStream's Entrepreneur Joke Page |
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Click here for power supply and engineering jokes  New: Click here for the Entrepreneur's Dictionary of Humor |
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| Virtual Power Plant | I just got what looks like a
legitimate offer to sell me a report of the Virtual Power Plant market. Our
company's name was listed as a player, as well as Bosch and GE. The prospectus,
however, is laughably incoherent. Obviously some kind of scam. I mean, virtual
power plants? The Virtual Power Plant Enabling market report study incorporates market size, upstream circumstance, advertise division, and showcase division, value and cost and industry condition. Moreover, the report traces the components driving industry development and the depiction of market channels. In many quantum processes a virtual state is an intermediate state, sometimes described as in a multi-step process that mediates otherwise forbidden transitions. Since virtual states are not Eigen functions of anything, normal parameters such as occupation, energy and lifetime need to be qualified. Virtual Power Plant, decentralized units in a power network are linked and operated by a single, centralized control system. And so forth! |
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| Delusional Our uncle is delusional, he thinks that he is Steve Jobs. We need to lock him up for his own safety, but we have agreed to put it off until after the next IPO. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2018 |
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| Well
Wishing I am developing a line of condition-specific get well cards for hypochondriacs with the theme "I had what you have, only worse!" © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2016 |
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| Generally Accepted CEO to the accounting department: The reason that we are successful as a company is that we not only think outside the box, but we also think outside the GAAP! © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2015 |
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| Statistics I joined a website that lets you bid on free-lance work from all over the world. Now I am an unemployment statistic in 170 countries. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2015 |
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| Electives Two HR workers are going through the college transcripts of applicants. One says to the other "Here is a guy who did OK in accounting and economics, but was top in his class in post zombie apocalypse reconstruction planning. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2014 Get Rich Quick The best way to get rich quick is to find a bunch of people who want to get poor quick. source unknown Togetherness Money isn't everything, but it keeps you in touch with your employees. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2014 Persistence You have to admit, Steve Jobs was persistent. Most of us would have given up after the E, F, G, and H-Phones flopped. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2013 Early Adopter One business man to another. "I'm ahead of my time. I was losing money before the recession. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2013 Pessimistic Invention I have created a new invention. It is a medical-alert bracelet for pessimists. It says "In case of accident--I told you so." Also a med-alert bracelet for librarians: "In case of emergency SHUSH!" © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2009 How to tell Top ten ways you can tell if you are an entrepreneur: 1. Your wife always knows where you are. 2. You are the only one in the company that fears and hates pay day. 3. You have more than 365 days of "comp time" accumulated. 4. You limit your fluid intake so you can stay at your desk longer. 5. Your rich friends wince every time you catch their eye. 6. Your grandmother has come to know your elevator pitch by heart. 7. The keys on your telephone have all the numbers worn off. 8. When watching "Star Wars" you identify with the Trade Federation 9. Your kids can tell how the business is doing by whether you Supersize your big mac. 10. The Grim Reaper stops by and you fast talk him into 10 more years for 20,000 shares. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2009 History The history of most partnerships should be told in a scrap-book! © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2009 No One entrepreneur to another. "Why are you so depressed?" My investor just turned down my proposal. "Don't worry" said his friend, "when they say 'no' they are just maneuvering for negotiating room." "He didn't say 'no,' he said "Phooey!" © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2009 Happiness? One entrepreneur to another: "They say that money doesn't buy happiness. I'm dying to test that hypothesis for myself." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008 Clearing I've got this great twist on the Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. We send out a hard-sell mailer that says "You owe us a million dollars." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008 Business models The math department decided that they wanted more power so they started an organized crime ring. The problem was that they kept making people offers they couldn't understand! © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008 Left Overs My accountant found me so many tax deductions that I had money left over for bail! © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008 Career Choice Kids tend to get their career ideas from what their parents do. My son wants to be an entrepreneur. He tells his friends "My dad spends almost all his time at work. It must really be fun!" © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2007 Hot Item A local entrepreneur has come up with an innovative new product which has taken the market by storm. The product is corduroy pillow cases. They are so popular they are making headlines. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2006 Apples and Oranges One entrepreneur is talking to another. "I don't know what the big deal about Apple is. I mean, take away their loyal customer base, their innovative products, and their constant flow of free publicity and hype, and what do you have?" His friend said, "Well, I guess you would have your company." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Lesson As Entrepreneurs we tend to want to teach our children the lessons that we have learned. Sometimes this is confusing to them. One entrepreneur sat his four year old son down and said "It's time for your lesson." What's two plus two? The little boy said "Two plus two is Six." "No, son," his father said, two plus two is not six. "Two plus two is four." "I'm sorry, father," said the little boy. "I thought we were negotiating." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Blameless I got a call from a man looking for a job. He says "I am high-principled. I never go to bars, nightclubs, or movies. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol for 15 years, I am loyal to my wife, I haven't looked at another woman for 15 years, I go to bed and rise at the same time every day, and have attended chapel every Sunday for 15 years without fail. I will be available to start work in 8 months." I said, "You sound like just what we are looking for, but I would like to hire you immediately, why the 8 months?" "Well that's when I am eligible for parole." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Invention If necessity is the mother of invention, why are there so many unnecessary inventions? This joke is in the public domain Best Deal During the Ukrainian elections two Ukrainians were talking. One said, I don't know who to vote for. The Social Democratic party offered me $10 for my vote, but the Liberal party only offered me $5. His friend advised him "I'd vote for the Liberal party, they only seem half as corrupt." This joke has been in the public domain for at least 100 years Recognized by my peers My own company has been listed for 4 years in the Misfortune 500. public domain Success Have you heard of the entrepreneur bragging to his grandchildren: "I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Inspiration One entrepreneur is explaining to another how he got into business. "I was afraid to go out on my own, but my former boss gave me a jump start by telling me the most encouraging two words in my life. One day he came into my office and said "You're fired." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Balance I'm not too sure about my CFO. When I asked him how our balance was he held his arms out and stood on one foot. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Something Down Have you heard about the entrepreneur that was told by his doctor that he had come down with the Asian Bird Flue? He was delighted. "Now when my creditors come by I have something to give them!" © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Retirement One man says to his friend "I heard that Joe is retiring from business." His friend said "Oh, I have heard him say that before." "But this time I heard it from the Judge!" This joke is in the public domain. Best Practices A panhandler slinks up and asks "Buddy, I haven't eaten all day, can you give me $50." The man says, "I think you would be a lot more successful if you asked for $1." The bum answers, "Look, give me a dollar or give me $50, but don't tell me how to run my business." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 A cute twist on this rewritten by Lindsay Dandeneau Some people are born entrepreneurs: Buddy slinks up and asks, "Grandpa, I've been a good boy, will you give me $50?" Grandpa says, "I think you would be a lot more successful if you asked for $1." Buddy answers, "Look, Grandpa, give me a dollar or give me $50, but don't tell me how to run my business." © Copyright Lindsay Dandeneau 2008 Zen What did the Zen master say to the pizza delivery man? "Make me one with everything." This joke is in the public domain Shakespeare With St. Valentine's day coming up I reminded my wife that our romance is very similar in many respects to Romeo and Juliet. Before even meeting me her father wanted to kill me. This joke is in the public domain |
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